Press Gang

During any close season, there are changes a-plenty at most clubs. Players come and go - managers too -  but there are also transitions behind the scenes which may go un-noticed in the greater scheme of things.

During the strange summer of 2020, a couple of veteran Tooting & Mitcham United scribes hung up their weapons. After many years of service, Ian Bullock and the aptly named David Penn stepped down from their roles as overseers of the match day programme. This left a vacancy that was admirably stepped into by the indomitable Warren Andrews; quite how he found the time to do all the tasks he already undertook for the club I have no idea, but he deserves a huge pat on the back for adding to his portfolio, and seamlessly keeping the tradition of the printed match day souvenir alive.

As Ian had been supplying match reports for the Non League Paper for several years, a vacancy had also arisen for this position, and I am pleased to say my offer to step into his very large shoes was accepted. Thus, for the first five (home) matches of the campaign, I have been seeing football from a whole new perspective.

My first match was a baptism of fire; a south London derby with Fisher and an FA Cup tie to boot. They brought a hundred or so fans with them, reportedly their highest travelling contingent since the reformation (or rather, their reformation, around a decade ago), and the gates were locked on a (reduced) capacity 400 crowd. I debated where best to position myself. I’ve never really liked watching ‘side-on’ - my preference has always been to stand at one end, usually that which my team is attacking; the most vocal supporters are to be found there, and thus the atmosphere is usually best absorbed amongst them. But I had a job to do, and from my position of choice it isn’t always possible to get a firm understanding of what is transpiring at the other end. I needed somewhere where I could get a good view of the whole pitch, and as I also needed a pee before I started I stumbled upon the raised level outside the toilets at the far end of the ground (literally, my very own ‘bog-end’).

This seemed an ideal spot; I had a perfect view of the whole of the pitch, almost perpendicular to the corner flag and unlikely to be obscured by anybody jumping in excitement in front of me. Although detached from the rump of the ultras, I could also engage in banter should any of them feel the need to relieve themselves during the action. Fortunately, one or two of the regulars enjoy a tipple on matchday, so they were very likely to visit me in my new position before the half was out.

All went well, except the result; it was a beautiful late-summer afternoon, a vibrant atmosphere and there were goals in the tie - four of them, split evenly between the teams (that’s a 2-2 draw, if you’re struggling with the maths). Unfortunately, due to the new regulations, that meant neither extra-time or a replay and the tie was to be settled with an immediate penalty shootout. We don’t ‘do’ shootouts - clearly we consider it an ungentlemanly way to win - and were perfectly happy to relinquish our chance to progress. It was an ideal way to thank our visitors for coming, after all. 

I was happy with my new position, and its diagonally opposite counterpart in the second half (on the staircase in the far corner) and proceeded to utilise it for the next couple of matches - a mixed bag of results it has to be said, but as always our impressive away form was keeping us in touch at the top. 

Then came trouble. Waltham Abbey were visiting, as was another unwelcome visitor that I hadn’t contemplated. This top-of-the-table clash (so keenly anticipated, even a Sky Sports camera crew were in the ground) had been selected by the Non League Paper as one of their ‘featured’ matches at our level. This meant twice my normal word-count, an accredited photographer in tow to snap a few shots, and a quote or two from the managers required at the end. All was in hand, everything had gone smoothly so far. But the match started in a light drizzle that gradually became heavier. It was now apparent that not only was I struggling to fully grasp what was occurring in the far penalty area, as I glanced down to see the notes I’d already made they were a mess - the rain had caused the ink to run…

I had no choice, if I was to complete my duties, than to take temporary shelter under cover and hastened off to the top of the stand to make use of the press-box facility. 

And it wasn’t bad at all. The view from the box is superb, and my fears of a lack of atmosphere was not forthcoming. Of course, it is a very different experience to watching from the terrace, but the passion is still there and is very tangible. My fears of being alienated from the core support was assuaged by the presence of such club luminaries as Andy Harrup and Keith Kelly who dwell here. Visits are paid throughout the 90 minutes by luminaries such as Caroline McRoyall, Nick Shaw, the aforementioned Warren Andrews and the legendary Hackbridge Harry, whose presence on matchday is so paramount that I think he is contractually obliged to appear in every part of the ground at least once during a game, imparting his wisdom and knowledge and (if you’re lucky) serenading you with his harmonica…

Such was my enjoyment from this new vantage point, I spent the entire 90 minutes of the following game - a 2-0 FA Trophy win over Romford - in the same spot, despite the lack of precipitation, and will probably be there for the foreseeable future. I’ll be able to indulge my yearning to be amongst the ultras at away games (though I shall be interested in a bit of press-box hopping also, just to see how the other halves live).

It has been a rewarding experience so far. Of course, there have been teething troubles and some slight re-jigging of my words on occasion; I did not, for example, describe Fisher as ‘looking resplendent in their new kit’ as appeared in my first report. I hated that kit - it was near-impossible to identify their players at a distance; who puts white numbers on an orange kit? Waltham Abbey tried something similar with their red numbers on a green-and-white hooped shirt, and looked like they had three no.7’s on the pitch! For this ‘featured’ match, I solicited quotes from the Waltham Abbey joint-manager (it seemed only fair - they had won) and our very own Ashley Bosah - the NLP used the former, but attributed it to the latter; but I’m assured by those in the know that these glitches happen all the time, and I should not take them personally.

So I won’t. I shall continue to report as needed, and enjoy the action for the time being from my new vantage point. I may have found a new home there; I may stay.